Just Mean Your Words

It was only a few years ago that the concept of 'Love Languages' was brought to my attention. I would claim ignorance, but it was also more than that. Initially I thought it was silly, this idea that these different forms of 'communication' made it so there were disconnects. It was a stupid notion not to accept it, because there are ways to not be able to communicate with someone while you speak the same language. Why couldn't it be more nuanced and more complicated beyond that?

Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch are the five love languages. There are plenty of tests you can take online to figure yours out, and that may seem hokey, but I do verify them as true. If you really think about it though, you can probably sort yourself out on your own. Words, attention, thoughtful gifts, what is it that makes you feel love? What is it that someone can provide you that makes you feel like you're special and of the utmost importance?

I think my ignorance initially came from the fact that words have always been so important to me, but also because words aren't often seen as being needy or materialistic. That's not to say there aren't drawbacks or negatives to words, but the cliché negative sayings are something most are aware of and can call on. Because of this I just thought words were pretty universal across the board. Who wouldn't appreciate hearing or being told just what they meant to you?

Now, there is some bleed over to 'Acts of Service' I believe, because words don't mean anything without action. Now, Acts of Service is about doing things to lighten the load of your partner's work load and surprising them. However, I do believe you have to put the actions in motion to make your words to mean something. Of course anyone can say something, but do you back them up and prove them to be true?

This is where you fall into the negatives of Words of Affirmation, because you can fall for just those words. They can just be sugary sweet, hollow nothings. However, if that's your love language then it's easy to just fall into the trap of believing that's enough. You can swoon, and end up in a daze at just those words that make the crash that much worse. You balloon up on high only to be brought to harsh reality when they're just that, words.

Where it can REALLY get you into trouble is you combine it with being an over thinker. Everyone gets neurotic when it comes to dealing with those types of feelings. You're in your own head trying to go over what exactly to say or do. Now what if you're not sure if those words aren't true? What if you've heard the things that make you feel lighter than air, but them being just words makes you feel worse than dirt? You lock yourself up in your own head.

So let us add to Words of Affirmation, make them real. It's not just about saying the things people want to hear, but mean your words. If those words are just words, then all you're doing are torturing someone who wants those words. They desire to hear and read those things but, more so, for them to be true. Instead, you're just setting them up for an awful fall that is tough for them to avoid. Those words take them out of their senses and it is hard to stay logical and grounded.

The saddest part is I think it can make people whose love language is Words of Affirmation, question their words. Can you imagine that? Something that is so important to them, how they most experience true love and caring, being the thing that hurt them and becoming something that shakes their faith. They're one of the most important things to them, yet now they're not sure what to believe.

Unfortunately, life teaches you in the most painful ways to be guarded in some sense. You can say maybe there should be some level of that guard when it comes to those words, but you cannot forget that words are the things that make them feel the utmost highs. Even if you have learned to be guarded, it's tough to resist those sweet callings. Even if you're trying to say to be aware of what is really happening, you can't excuse those whose words aren't real. Mean your words.