The Important People in Life

When you start discussing relationships certain romantic phrases like 'the One' or 'my other half' or 'soul mate' will inevitably end up somewhere in the vocabulary of describing the intense feelings and uniqueness of who you've found. These terms have become common vernacular when it comes to those deep feelings of love but what do they truly mean? Everyone feels the need to convey just how special their someone is, but do we really know what these phrases mean?

I was sent a Facebook post from someone addressing 'Soul Mate' and 'Life Partner' with the caption 'Finally, an explanation for why I've had so many “soul mates” but never a “life partner.” The definition for soul mate is Someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs. The definition listed for life partner is A companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each others needs and wants. Another term I will get to that I feel belongs in this group is 'Twin Flame.'

Both of these definitions really jarred something in me because these terms are normally thought to have romantic implications to them. The dictionary definition for soul mate is a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner, and for life partner is either member of a couple in a sexual or romantic relationship that is regarded as permanent. Now, I fully accept soul mate being a term that does not have romantic implications, however the definition from the Facebook post makes soul mates seem much more...disposable. They don't lack importance, but my big hang up is on the line Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs. One of the great things about a deep connection is that you can pick up where you left off no matter what, but something about that line makes them seem more disposable.

I acknowledge that I feel a certain level of romanticism attached to both of these terms, that they are meant to be attached to someone important that is not a forgettable piece of your life. By the post's definition of soul mate, it is attached to someone who changes your soul to improve you for the better. This can be both good and bad in how that is accomplished, but I personally would not define someone that is a challenge, a lesson learned, to be a soul mate. While the same thing may be achieve, good or bad, I think it needs to be broken down more.

To me, a soul mate is someone you have a deep and unexplained connection with, like you've known them for years even if you just met them. There is something more than the shared likes and how you get along, it's just natural. The challenge is how do you define just a great friend or relationship versus a soul mate. For myself it's easy to fall into that romantic idea, especially since I have a very limited core of people I keep close, because a great friend will be there with you no matter what and should help you become the best version of yourself. I would think it's one of those things where you just feel it, maybe not immediately, but you recognize it over the years of being close. Depending on how early it is it may be something you take for granted until you have a bevy of meeting and relationships to compare it to.

This is perhaps where the idea of work becomes a factor. You don't want to give into the naive belief that anything with relationships will be easy, there's going to be some problems to work through, but with soul mates there has to be something so natural and much easier than any other relationships you navigate through. That's the nuance that is tough to put your finger on to sort out and maybe just comes down to you know what you know. People can nitpick from the outside but it's ultimately your call on how you feel about your relationships.

As for those that challenge you to improve yourself or soul through overcoming some sort of challenge deserve another term besides soul mate. The hilarious notion of having a nemesis does come to mind and, when you're dealing with these things of a fantasy an spiritual nature, can't be written off. However, for those that leave their mark on your soul I prefer the term trials. Life is of course about dealing with the ups and downs and some of those will be more severe and those trials are some of the toughest you'll face. That's not to say these trials can not come in the form of a failed relationship, hence blurring the lines when it comes to soul mates.

When it comes to life partner, that phrase invokes thoughts of someone you're paired with to walk through life with. Compared to soul mate I believe there's less of a romantic inclination. A life partner does not necessarily mean someone you date, but someone who is part of a team to help you through. Whether it's by shared experience or providing a strength, they are meant to help you as you go through life. Even the definition that inspired this piece mentions possibilities outside of someone you date.

Life partner in itself is a singular term and I believe the romantic notion attached to it is because of its ties to marriage. Often times, soul mate included, this language is used to describe the notion of tying yourself to someone for the rest of your lives. However, neither of these phrases are necessarily true. Ideally it is true, but I believe it is more fitting what you want to be true then examining just how deep and powerful these phrases actually are. The truth is marriage is supposed to be magical and unique, yet so many of them don't work out. It's powerful language meant to match the situation, but it is generic in that usage.

This brings me to the notion of 'the One.' While it didn't come up in the post, with romantic implications it seems necessary to explain it along with the others. The truth about the perfect match is that there's no way to know. There are over seven billion people on this planet and we'll likely never even meet one percent of one percent of them. With that being the case I don't write it off, but my belief lies in something a bit less romanticized.

Perhaps a bit contradictory when discussing such powerful notions of soul mates and life partners, but I think every relationship takes work. Nothing is perfect, even in friendships that fit flawlessly together. Because of this I believe there isn't just a perfect one, but several who you can meet and be very happy with. Admittedly, this idea was solidified in my mind after being terrible in relationships and really became a way of punishing myself. I still choose to believe it, but can admit it originally crystallized while in a dark place. Writing this piece and examining these terms brings it back up for examination and maybe the few that you can be happy with are actually soul mates or life partners.

While discussing this post the term twin flame came up. It is defined as an intense soul connection thought to be a person's other half, sometimes called a 'mirror soul.' When discussing it someone said they believe their significant half was their twin flame. It's a powerful definition and something you'd seek out in the person you want to spend your life with. Ironically, your twin flame would be the one when you think about it. It's a powerful draw that completes your soul and you're drawn to. The interesting question would be how do those souls fit together?

Is it an exact match, that you feel the same way about things? Perhaps because you are that way you go through similar life experiences, have similar strengths, shortcomings and deal with things in the same way? Or perhaps, it's your other half that completes the circle like ying and yang? Doesn't it stand to reason that the other half of your soul could provide you with feeling whole? Maybe you have similarities, but they actually bring strengths to your weaknesses and vice versa? I think the notion of being an easy and exact match is clouded by the romantic beliefs and ease of a perfect match. Instead, I think someone that's meant to be your twin flame would provide you with completeness.

Now, much like all the terms discussed, your twin flame does not mean it solely exists in romantic implications. The challenge is dealing with something that intense, especially if its in the sex of person you're interested in. In my experience, dealing with those intense emotions is hard not to tie together with infatuation. Even more dangerous, with something so intense there is a possibility that it leads to intense negative emotions. In the end though, I believe no matter how bad things can happen if that intensity vests in some sort of anger, if they're a twin flame (or a soul mate or life partner) it shouldn't be long term as you're drawn together time and time again.

The real interesting thing while discussing these terms is getting into the even more abstract. Having a twin flame, soul mate or life partner is having something that is timeless. I believe those type of bonds extend more than one lifetime, which leads to reincarnation. These are bonds that stretch over lifetimes, and that's why you're drawn to find them. Heck, perhaps when your soul and life was in its first incarnation you bonded with another soul to the point that it was something that was never going to be left behind? It's interesting to try and decipher how it started and just what that means for a possible history of your soul, one that exists outside of your current mortality.

Even more abstract, do destiny and fate get involved? Are these bonds, not naturally born that transcend lifetimes, but instead always would be the case? Looking at the more contemporary, do those bonds destine each other to face similar experiences? Does the story not really change with each incarnation just get updated? Or is possible the outside factors of life change things so that a twin flame is a friend in one life time but a lover in another? When dealing with such abstract ideas it leaves a lot of room for personal injection while not really ever knowing.

Dealing with all of that can get quite confusing and exhausting to sort through with no real proof. However, I think that's a pitfall that can be avoided, instead just focus on how special those bonds can be and don't worry about the how or why. Really, for all the examination done on these terms, it's sorting through and explaining my personal beliefs while really not really caring what the answer is. I acknowledge and accept them as truths, but no one can answer for you so at the end it's just meant to think about the special people in your life and treating them as such no matter what.

Unfortunately, there is one last notion that doesn't provide clarity either, and that's the idea that there are just good friends. I think it stands to reason that people in your life can not be any of these terms, but still be good, strong friends. Maybe you can create those bonds for future lifetimes, but they are still going to be very rare, and you're going to met plenty of people who can still be important and great in your life. Just because they aren't these rare bonds doesn't mean they are any less special because no one can go through life alone. Feel what you feel, love who you love and surround yourself with great people that lift you up and make you happy.